Pretty in Punk.

Last night’s Met Gala, honoring “Punk: Chaos to Couture”, should have been an open invitation for bawdy behavior.  It was exciting, if not shocking, for Anna Wintour to throw a Punk Party on the fashion fete of the year – giving Hollywood and Fashion luminaries full carte blanche to strap on a safety pin mohawk and ascend the world’s most formidable red carpet. Yet clearly, only a handful of women read the fine print…

After being internationally scathed at this year’s Oscars, little Anne Hathaway somehow managed to emerge on top - giving us full femme fatale in vintage Valentino and a new Blondie-inspired weave to boot. I’ll probably dunk my head in a public toilet for saying this in a month, but she may have been the evening’s best dressed. Lionel Richie’s adopted daughter also attempted a fearless hair revival, but sadly came across looking more like a cig that needed to be ashed. Good thing her bejeweled Topshop gown Shine Bright Like a Diamond.

Metal spikes were also trending last night (shocker). Sienna in spiked Burberry, Cameron in spiked Stella McCartney, Coco in spiked Ungaro – it’s a wonder Andre Leon Talley didn’t pick one of the girls up to pop Kim Kardashian. 

I mean… Anna Wintour finally lets Kimmy K onto the coveted Met Gala red carpet, and this is what happens.

Thankfully, not everyone was grotesque in Givenchy. From “Girl with the Dragon Tatoo” to “Girl who can do no wrong on the Red Carpet,” Rooney Mara soared. Plunging neckline, plunging backline, ox blood lips and channeling Punk by way of ethereal white — girl is the preeminent Givenchy Goddess… 

Marni: shoes, bags, fur.

White Out.

The good, the bad, Les Misérables.  The 85^th Annual Academy Awards saw its fair share of awkward acceptance speeches, questionable song-and-dance performances and more than enough reasons to raise the proverbial glass. And while this year’s Oscars did not, overall, make for an exciting night of fashion fireworks—translate that to dull—every cloud has its silver lining playbook.

Enter 22-year old Jennifer Lawrence, who, not only nabbed a little gold man last night — completely owned the red carpet in a grandiose gown à la Christian Dior Haute Couture. The ‘miracle dress’—a strapless, pale-pink bodice with dramatic, bell-shaped petal skirt—was hands down the best look of the evening.  And although everyone and their gay brother-in-law knew Lawrence would show up donning Dior Couture, I don’t think anyone could have predicted what actually transpired. The hair, the makeup, the backwards diamond necklace — it was a sartorial achievement.

Other (somewhat) highlights include a bevy of beauties in the blush. From Amanda Seyfried in Alexander McQueen to Jessica Chastain and Naomi Watts, both in custom Armani Prive – Hollywood’s finest chose to shine bright like a diamond.  But of course, we can’t talk about the Oscars without talking about the other big winner of the night, Anne Hathaway…

WHAT THE FUCK WAS SHE WEARING?! I rarely swear on this blog and readily avoid using the F-bomb in general…. but what the FUCK was she wearing?! Can anyone answer me?? No, seriously.

Bland, ill-fitting, inappropriate and just plain, FUGLY – Hathaway looked like she was half-drunk at her own bat mitzvah. OK so the back was sort of kind of interesting but why why why would you put a tacky flower necklace on a high neckline dress?? When she stood up to leave the house, nipples likened to the French Alps, did her army of stylists, publicists and arbitrary gays just smile ardently and nod? I dreamed a dream and it did NOT include that perversion in Prada.

Go back to Genovia.